It’s 12:19 a.m – the early morning of a brand new month! I can’t sleep and I’m contemplating about starting my new novel for NaNoWriMo entitled Seven Days. With writing a new story comes the strings of memories about the person who ignited the spark to begin writing. It was unintentional and unexpected. I’d never really spent time writing when I was a kid. I was the kind of girl who liked being outside, running around the park playing football with the other boys in the neighborhood or swimming in the community pool with friends. There were rare moment where you’d find me practicing my handwriting because I liked to change it more times than I could count on my fingers. I wasn’t much of an avid reader either.
When I think about it now, I honestly cannot see myself without those two things in my life. What would I do? I’d probably watch too much bad reality t.v. which would rot my brain to nothingness or be obsessed with makeup and hair – like my younger sister. Sometimes, I wonder what would have happened if he would have stayed in my life – because his leaving, his absence – was the cause for me turning to paper and pen. I couldn’t talk to my parents or friends about how much Matt (that wasn’t his real name, but let’s call him that for kicks and giggles) meant to me when I was fourteen. What could they say to a girl whose heart had been utterly and completely broken upon finding out that he was gone? Nothing – that’s what.
So I did the only thing that I could do: write.
I wrote lyrics about how I felt. My first set of lyrics are still ones that I remember until this day:
Wondering if I should let go
Let it all out into the unknown
The laughs and the smiles have all turned to gray
If only the pain would just go away
It’s pretty self explanatory and I found that it was how I could cope with him being gone. It’s been six years since I last saw him, yet he had such a huge impact in my life, whether or not he knows it. It’s hard sometimes because I miss him. He was the only one who made me laugh when I was upset because of something mundane that I thought was the end of the world. I had a few moments like that in high school, but I’m glad I built a bridge and walked over it.
Matt, on the other hand, is the one person that I can’t let go of. You don’t forget your first love, which is something I figured out when I realized that I’d never see him again. You don’t know what you have until it’s gone – at least that’s how the saying goes, right? – and I didn’t know the full meaning of that saying until those waning summer days.
So what’s the point of this post? No reason. Well, okay, that’s not entirely true. Inspiration comes in many forms. It maybe be a loved one, a friend, nature, an old photograph you’ve stumbled upon…practically anything. As writers we tend to find beauty where others are blind to see it. So what inspires you?
The second reason you may find in this post is to always tell the people you care about how you feel. Tomorrow is never guaranteed so make the most of the time you have every day that you are given. Tell a loved one how much they mean to you, have a fun night out in town, or do that something that you’ve always wanted to do but never had the courage to do it. Whatever it is, I bet it’ll be amazing no matter how big or small the feat is 🙂