30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 20

It’s almost Christmas! Can you believe it? The year went by so fast. Don’t you think? I have to work on Christmas Eve but luckily I got an early shift so I’ll be out by 5 p.m. What are your Christmas plans?

In other news: the world didn’t end yesterday 😀

On to today’s challenge! → Something you always think “what if” about

There’s only one thing that I’ve ever thought “what if” about on a daily basis. Okay, so maybe that’s a little too extreme and dramatic, but I do think about Matt (name has been changed) often. In an earlier post I mentioned that he was the reason for my writing. Matt was my inspiration in the way in which his absence caused me to turn to paper and pen.

There’s one specific moment that I regret though, that I constantly think about. What if I had stayed longer to talk to him before next class period? What if I had told him how I felt then? What if he wanted to give me something to remember him by as I did the day before? It’s a never ending cycle that I want to just forget, to leave in the past. But I can’t no matter how hard I try.

I wish and I pray that I could somehow go back to that moment and instead of going to my last class of the school year on time, I’d wait for him. The look in his eyes when I hugged him goodbye – there was something he needed to tell me, but couldn’t because he was saying bye to some of his other friends. We lived far away from each other that spending the summer together was unlikely. And with it being the last day of school, school personnel ordered the students to get off campus immediately after the last bell. Guess they wanted to go to summer vacation just as much as we did. But I never thought that saying goodbye to him would be the last time I saw him.

I wonder sometimes if he still kept my stuffed little lion I gave him called Rory, but he so cleverly named Mufasa (pretty sure I spelled this wrong). I told Matt to keep him safe for me because Rory was special to me. In return he was going to give me something but he never did. It’s one of the things I’ve always wondered if he was going to give me or tell me in those last few minutes we had together.

What if I had stayed just a bit longer? Would all the questions I have now be answered? I’ll never know. All I can hope for is for someday to see him again.

So that’s my sad and pathetic love story. Sorry for boring you to death. These challenges really ask you to bare your soul to the world, eh?

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4 Comments

  1. A very sweet telling of “the one who got away.” I’m sure you could track him down online somewhere. I found a boy I was great friends with in 4th grade on Facebook just this year – that’s more than 20 years later. What is meant to be, will be, Emz. Maybe the two of you are meant for someone else, and that’s why you parted the way that you did. Or maybe the timing wasn’t right. I believe that everything happens for a reason, so have no regrets.

    Reply
    • I’ve tried finding him on the internet. But no such luck. It literally feels like he never even existed. But I do believe that with my entire heart – everything does happen for a reason. It’s one of my life motto’s 🙂

      Reply
  2. Adam

     /  December 23, 2012

    Sad tale. Perfect “What if”. I hope you see him again some day, and get to tell him everything.

    Reply
  3. Oh Emma D: THIS was so sweet! It’s like a love story just waiting to happen! I don’t know why, but seriously that Katy Perry song just ran through my mind – “The One That Got Away.”

    Reply

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